my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
