never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
