The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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