Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize