I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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