I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
