no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
