So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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