Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
