Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
