guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
