I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
