apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
