I need to stop coming to work sober
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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