yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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