just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
