I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
