So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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