I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
