Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
