I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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