I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Be still, my beating vagina.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
