oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
