He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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