What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
