Cold hands, warm shart.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
