oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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