I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
