Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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