I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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