This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
