when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
