then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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