i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
