By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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