We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize