dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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