I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
look no pants
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
