I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
