I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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