I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
