Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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