My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
The beer is more important than you right now.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
