i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
