Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize