You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
