Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
