we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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