i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
