As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
