My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
