i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
