she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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