haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
