Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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