My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
