He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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