I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
