forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
