He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
