He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
high people should be assigned attendants
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
