careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize