I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
