Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
