It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
