I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
