Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
