we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
