went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
