Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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