i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
