The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
