worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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