Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
