farters have to be the big spoon...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
