And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
