you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
