Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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